Let’s talk about something many leaders (and parents, and partners) wrestle with every single day: How to be honest without being too harsh.
You may not have heard about Kind Candour – a term coined by Gary Vaynerchuk to rebrand an approach to the dreaded difficult conversation.
What I love about this is that it’s not about being brutally honest – instead it’s about being helpfully honest – with care, clarity and heart.
Candour means being open and truthful. However, without kindness, candour can quickly tip into cruelty.
We’ve all experienced the “I’m just being honest” statement followed by a comment that felt more like a slap than support. That’s not candour – it’s disguised criticism. Fear is the key message – which only works some of the time.
And on the flip side, being “nice” all the time – avoiding hard truths, glossing over issues, or letting things slide – well, to put it plainly, that doesn’t help either.
I get that it might feel kind in the moment, however over time, your niceness works against your team, building entitlement, allowing for repeat mistakes, and kills any individual accountability. They think they can get things past their “nice” leader.
Here’s the truth: Nice doesn’t mean weak. And fear isn’t the same as respect.
You see, you can say the hard things and still be kind. You can hold a firm line and show empathy and respect. And you can do this using Kind Candour whether you’re leading a team, raising kids, or nurturing a relationship because it all comes down to how you deliver the message.
Kind candour means:
✔️ Being clear, not cruel
✔️ Leading with respect, not superiority
✔️ Offering feedback with the intent to help, not hurt
These are skills and like any skill, it takes time to get comfortable with it. Sometimes you will nail it. Other times you’ll mess it up.
You’ll say too much – or not enough.
You’ll feel awkward. And that’s okay.