Working with a coaching client recently, I was reminded of the well known Desmond Tutu quote:
“Don’t raise your voice, improve your argument.”
This hits home for me because it is an absolute leadership lesson for the ages.
Because let’s be honest – when tension rises (at work or at home), our instinct is often to turn up the volume. We talk faster. We talk louder.
We repeat ourselves. We try to out-smart disagreement with passion.
We put energy into changing people’s minds and often that energy can be misdirected.
The lesson from Desmond is about real influence. Real Influence is not loud. It’s clear.
Whether you’re leading a team, parenting a teenager, or negotiating who gets the last piece of cake, the loudest voice doesn’t mean you get what you are arguing for. In fact, it often triggers resistance. When people feel “talked at,” they stop listening. They dig in or they tune out. Either way the tension is likely to rise.
Ever wondered what great communicators do instead?
- 🧭 They clarify their position before they defend it.
- 🎯 They strip back the fluff and speak directly to what matters.
- 🧱 They build strong arguments, not high-volume ones.
- 👂 They listen first so they can respond, not react.
At work, this might sound like:
“I’m not convinced this project is aligned with our strategy. Here’s what I’m seeing…”
At home, maybe it’s:
“I’m not saying no to your idea. I’m saying we need a better reason to say yes.”
The shift?
From pushing harder to thinking deeper. From trying to win to trying to be wise.
So, this week, here’s your coaching prompt:
🔸 What would happen if you lowered your voice and raised your clarity instead?
Try it in your next meeting. Your next team convo. Even your next family debate.
Because strong leadership isn’t loud. It’s thoughtful, intentional, and deeply respectful.
Need help building your argument or your confidence? Let’s connect.